


Always Lived Like This

by celeste9



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, First Kiss, M/M, Pining, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwaine comes home for a break from university, forcing Merlin to reevaluate what he might want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Lived Like This

**Author's Note:**

> For Trope Bingo, 'au: high school/college'. Thanks to clea2011 and deinonychus_1, who both kindly looked it over. Title from Paramore.

“You know,” Gwaine said from where he was lying sprawled on Merlin’s bed, “it’s actually kind of rude for you to be studying while you’ve got a guest over.”

“I don’t think you’ve counted as a guest for, oh, at least six years,” Merlin said, not looking up from his maths homework. Merlin’s mum had certainly stopped treating him like he was. Even now, when Gwaine was only in town for the weekend, home from uni, she hadn’t so much as batted an eye when Gwaine had shown up on her doorstep. Merlin was pretty sure Gwaine hadn’t even been to his own house yet - at least, he’d arrived still carrying his overnight bag.

Gwaine seemed to consider Merlin’s words. At least, he was quiet for a few seconds. “Not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment.”

“If you don’t know, might as well take it as a compliment.”

“That should be my new philosophy.”

“You mean, instead of, ‘I’ll try anything once’? Or, ‘Anything worth doing is worth doing drunk’? Or--”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gwaine interrupted, but Merlin could hear the smile in his voice. “I think they’re all pretty compatible, actually.”

Merlin was tapping the end of his pencil against the side of his face while he tried to work out how to approach a particularly difficult problem when suddenly Gwaine grabbed his shoulders from behind. Merlin yelped. “Gwaine!”

The sound of Gwaine’s laughter was loud in Merlin’s ear. “Entertain me, Merlin, come on! You’ve got boring since I’ve been away.”

“I’ve always been this boring,” Merlin corrected.

“Okay, yeah, maybe so, but you’ve never been boring when you’re with me, and I’m here now.”

“And?”

Gwaine smiled winningly. “And we’ve got the town to conquer before I head back to the old grindstone.”

As if Gwaine even did any actual work, ever. “My maths isn’t going to do itself.”

“You’ll miss me when I’m gone, Merlin…”

Gwaine was still standing close enough that Merlin could smell him, the familiar, pleasant musk of him. His hair was catching the last of the sun from outside, making it shimmer. Merlin wanted to touch it. He wished it wouldn’t be weird if he did; he wished they had the sort of relationship that would make that okay.

He sighed. “What did you have in mind?”

-

“So, how was your weekend?” Gwen asked as they walked side by side to class on the following Monday. Gwaine had left Sunday after dinner, taking the train back to school.

“It was great, yeah,” Merlin said, unable to keep a big stupid grin off his face.

Gwen was grinning back. “I should think so, considering you couldn’t even be bothered to call me back.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I know you don’t get to see Gwaine much now that he’s at university.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, exhaling. “It’s weird, I mean, he’s lived across the street since I was ten. It’s weird not seeing him every day.”

“Not seeing his bum every day, you mean?”

Gwen ducked away from Merlin’s swat, laughing.

“He’s my best mate,” Merlin tried to protest.

“Doesn’t mean he hasn’t got a nice bum, too. And great hair. I mean, really, really fantastic hair.”

Merlin sighed a little. “I bet it’s so soft and silky. Shampoo advert quality.” Then he realised what he’d just said and blushed to his ears. “Not that _I’ve_ ever thought that,” he covered quickly. “Just, objectively speaking.”

Gwen clearly wasn’t buying it. “Merlin, I know you’ve loved him for ages, no matter what you say. I don’t understand why you never told him.”

There was literally no point in denying it. Gwen would know he was lying, and she wouldn’t give up. “Because he’s my best mate, Gwen. Aside from you, anyway. I’d rather have him like that than not have him at all because I’ve scared him off by trying to grab his bum or something.”

“You don’t know he’d react that way.”

“No, but it never seemed worth finding out. Anyway, he’s off at uni now. He doesn’t need me.”

Gwen squeezed Merlin’s hand, her expression sympathetic. “He’ll always need you, Merlin.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Merlin said. Just not in the way Merlin wanted.

-

Merlin was in the library when his mobile buzzed against his thigh.

_coming home next sat think u can find time for me? xoxoxo_

Merlin laughed at the text and sent back, _For you? Always._

_u r the light of my life merlin!!!_

Laughing again, Merlin stuffed his mobile back into his pocket. Seeing Gwaine again so soon would be an unexpected pleasure.

-

Seeing Gwaine again so soon was maybe not the best thing that could have happened. Merlin was blaming Gwen. He felt that was entirely reasonable.

It was Gwen’s fault, after all. Merlin had been fine before she’d gone and made him think things about Gwaine that he’d nearly got himself to stop thinking about. Mostly. At least not when he wasn’t alone in his bedroom. Or the shower. Anyway, moving on. Gwaine was his friend and he was never going to be anything more so thinking about how for roughly three years Merlin had wanted to kiss him wasn’t any good at all.

It was torture. Miserable, horrible torture. Gwaine was just there, in Merlin’s bedroom, looking the way he did, and smelling the way he did, and smiling and laughing and he was just always _laughing._ It was terrible. Merlin wanted to kiss his mouth and he couldn’t stop thinking about how soft Gwaine’s hair must be.

So, yes. This was Gwen’s fault. She should have realised that Merlin was seventeen and had never been with anyone and it was unfair to remind him of how much he’d like to be sitting in Gwaine’s lap right now.

God. Had he actually just thought that? It was official. Merlin was the most pathetic person he knew.

“Merlin.”

“What?” Merlin jerked out of his reverie so abruptly he nearly knocked himself off his chair.

Gwaine was still grinning. He had the most amazing smile. “I said your name three times before you even noticed.”

“You did?”

“I’ve never been accused of being boring before.”

“You aren’t boring, I was just… thinking.”

“About me?” There was a glimmer of amusement in Gwaine’s eyes.

“No,” Merlin said, perhaps too quickly and too vehemently.

Gwaine was pondering him with a lot more interest, now. “Merlin. Were you actually thinking about me?”

“You’re full of yourself, aren’t you?” It was weak. Merlin was ashamed of himself. He could do better, he knew he could.

“Come here.” Gwaine patted the bed beside him.

“I’m fine here, thanks.”

Gwaine just looked at him.

Merlin caved. He stood up and, with dignity (he hoped), sat down on the bed next to Gwaine. He folded his legs up underneath him and carefully left as much space between them as he could.

Gwaine pushed himself a bit closer. “I’ve met a lot of people since I graduated.”

“I know.”

“What you don’t know is that every single person I meet, I compare to you.”

Merlin’s forehead creased while he tried to determine whether he’d heard that correctly or not. It was possible this entire thing was a fever dream. “You do what?”

“None of them ever measure up, Merlin. None of them make me laugh like you do, or laugh at my stupid jokes like you do, or listen like you do. They don’t clean up my messes or help me out of trouble or let me crash in their beds when I’m too drunk to even make it across the street to my own. They aren’t you.”

Merlin couldn’t stop staring. Gwaine’s brown eyes looked wide and serious, more serious than he’d ever been. Merlin swallowed. “Um. I, er, I… Gwaine, I…”

“Stop talking,” Gwaine said, so Merlin did. “I’m going to do something, and I want you to stop me if it isn’t what you want. Will you do that?”

Somehow, Merlin found it in himself to nod.

Gwaine scooted even closer, so his legs were pressed up against Merlin’s. He put his hand on Merlin’s cheek.

Merlin closed his eyes because he thought he must actually be dreaming, and he thought if he kept his eyes closed he wouldn’t wake up. He didn’t want to wake up yet.

The first press of Gwaine’s mouth was so light Merlin thought he must be imagining it. But he didn’t move away and Gwaine slid his lips over Merlin’s and suddenly it was _real,_ Gwaine was kissing him, and it was exactly how he had imagined it and yet somehow nothing like that at all. Gwaine’s hand felt rough against his cheek and his mouth was warm and wet and Merlin thought he’d like this to never stop, not ever.

But Gwaine pulled back, resting his forehead against Merlin’s. Merlin could feel the puff of Gwaine’s breath against his face.

“Is that okay?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin licked his lips. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s okay.” It was so much better than okay. Daringly, he slid his hand up into Gwaine’s hair.

It was even softer and silkier than he had imagined.

**_End_ **


End file.
